What happens when I am no longer here.

Most decisions are tested by their outcome. This one is not. A parent building lifelong provision is making choices whose results arrive after they are gone, judged by people who were not in the room and who will not have access to the reasoning.

That structure defeats ordinary planning. Without feedback, the mind substitutes what it can feel — and what it can feel is dread. Dread produces two predictable errors: indefinite postponement, because starting makes the fear concrete; and over-specification, an attempt to legislate for every circumstance, which produces an instrument nobody can actually operate.

The families who navigate it well are not the least frightened. They are the ones who separated the fear from the decision long enough to make it.